Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Last weekend one of my girls and I found ourselves at our favorite lounge. And as we sipped our drinks, hers a midori sour and mine tequila (yes, Patron) on ice, we surveyed the room and simultaneously drew the same conclusion: There’s always one guy that for some reason, you’d hit but NEVER EVER admit it to your girls.
The funny thing is, you ALL know what I’m talking about. It’s the guy or girl that perhaps given the right circumstances could be cute. Perhaps they’re charming and engaging, or maybe even a little sexy. But for various reasons, be it public opinion isn’t too high on them, they’re your friends Ex or they look like the freakin’ boogey man, you just can’t bring yourself to claim them.
The unfortunate paradox here is, more often than we’d all care to admit, these “secret lovers” are usually the ones that can and almost always do blow your freakin’ back out. Yet, despite the quality of the secret sex, it must remain just that, secret.
Then my mind wondered to the guys from the past that despite any chemistry between us, was never allowed to kick it with my friends. Or whom you ask to leave within 20 minutes of climax. Or even the cat that you only grab a bite with when delivery wasn’t an option and even then you suggest the dip-off spot on Clark & Belmont with the bomb cheese fries. Yeah, I know that guy well.
But this drunken convo got me thinking. While it is often said, “You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife,” it is equally as true that you can’t “make a pipe layer into the foreman.” But why is that?
The answer is simple, a good lay does not necessarily a relationship make. In a “Normal” relationship, most times it begins with a mutual attraction but is sustained by a different kind of intimacy, a kinship if you will, one that at it very core is (hopefully) a close friendship. But your jump-off, while perhaps able to make you laugh, and even provide some insight or opinions into current events, will never actually know you well enough to call yourself friends.
But sometimes, despite all the excuses as to why you will never go public with your romance, every now and then the truth is not as simple as such. Sometimes it’s really self preservation.
Ironically, even though you can trust your secret lover with your body, he or she will never be trusted with your heart. We keep our secret lovers secret so as not to catch feelings, leaving us vulnerable to something we can’t have, handle or need. As someone who’s sat on both sides of that isle, I can say first hand, falling for a jump-off never leads to anything good, because not only will you get your heart broken, but you’ll also lose your late night back-up plan.
My girl and I laughed at our observation, both for very private reasons and continued to sip our drinks both knowing there will always be secrets among us. Hell making a relationship work is tough but finding someone to low your back out when needed is a fete that’s damn near mythical.
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